Angels of the Guard
During the way to the chimney, Sandra remains silent, too much silent, too much pensive - Adam minds :
– Are you well? – he asks her – Is it something wrong?
– I was thinking
– Please, share your thoughts with me.
– I would but I can’t. They are too complicated for you to understand.
– Why do you think so ? Are you still doubting me ?
– Of course not ! Is just that it occurred to me something strange from which I need to assimilate the real sense before being able to give you an accurate explanation. It’s something very difficult to admit... ...
– I see. This “something” is tormenting you too much. Confide it to me now, without waiting a second more. Together we will fight it better...
– I promise I’ll tell you, but not now. Let me a little time...
– Don’t be so stubborn ! Remember ! You assured to share with me all thoughts, all what happens to you, whatever is it !!! ...
– You may not understand neither believe it.
– And you, do you understand it ?
– I told you. I am trying to.
– All the more reason to let me help... please ! it is important for you, for both of us, to tell me the whole of it at once. I have an urgent need to know !!! ...
– It would be disagreeable and of no use to speak about it now, much better is to ignore it for a while... Later on I shall report it to you without omitting any fact, any word; I’ll be obliged ! But until then, why not just enjoying being together. We are about to destroy happy moments that will never return...
– What you may destroy by maintaining stubbornly your secret, is our entente. Come on ! Tell me ! I promise to do my best to understand and help...
– It’s painful and still more, it’s extremely difficult to believe. You may take it for hallucinations. I know I have a lot of fever, but I also know that what happened is true.
– It may be hallucinations. They occur with high fever. It may be true also, why not. If you don’t expound the whole thing clearly to me, I’ll keep on doubting...
– What can I do while you so much insist but revealing the whole now, despite knowing it is unwise to do so. You know I don’t want to lose you and you play with it...? I surrender! Just promise trying to understand, no matter how odd it seems to you. Do you promise?
– Yes, I promise. But don’t stop. Just go on slowly, at your ease. Don’t overuse your forces...
– When you went to look for a crane, I remained completely alone. There is no doubt about this.
– I hated to have to leave you in that state. Believe me... But, what else could I do? It was urgent to take you out of the hole and I couldn’t make it alone, so I had to go in search of help.
– I do not reproach you. I know you did your best to save my life. If I mention this fact is only to place the point from which speculations may depart...
- Sandra speaks slowly, remaining silent by moments. Speaking fatigues her. She founds herself very feeble and sleepy.
– However, she continues, very slowly, but she continues – The comprehension and love shining in Adam’s eyes animates her.
– Darling ! Take all the time you need but it’s very important for me to know what is occurring. Otherwise, how can I help you ?
– You also fall in that horrible well. We both fell in it. And you can guarantee that apart the two of us, there was nobody standing there; there was neither a niche where somebody could have been hidden. You can guarantee that for sure.
– Of course I can.
– Admitting somebody encountered the manner to enter there, we would have seen him or her, we are not blind people. And if somebody fell in that profound hole after your leaving, he would have had no chance to get out without help. And I would have noticed him. True?
– I think so .... But , what are you meaning ? ... ... Did somebody visit you during my absence?
– Yes. I had a visit ... An entity appeared and disappeared without leaving any trace... Do you see how difficult it is to believe !!!
– That’s true. But there must be some explanation. Whom did you see ?
– A woman.
– A woman, impossible! ... Perhaps a man ... But no. A man despite being stronger could not go in and out like this ... No possibility. ... It must have been a product of the fever.
– No ! It was real. I know. And there is more, still stranger ...
– More !!! ...
– Yes, and more difficult for you to accept... Because this woman told me she was an angel... She told me she was my angel of the guard, and that she came to advise me...
– To advise you about what ? Please tell me... Don’t stop now! ...
- Now comes the must painful. I told you. It hurts me terribly, to both assimilate and share it with you. I would like to ignore it, to take it out of my mind, but I know it is the normal suite of the late facts. I know I have to get accustomed to what the angel told to me, because my near future could not be otherwise.
– What is her message ? ...
– She announces me that I will die very soon...
– No !!! I cannot accept that !!! ... You shall not die. I’ll care about it !!! ... The apparition, the message, all these is due to the fever, believe me... Now we are going to the refuge of the Doctor. He will auscultate you; then, knowing what to do, he will cure you. Soon you will recover your health. We are young and have still a lot of years in front of us to live and be happy. Trust me ! ...
– Yes. We will be happy together, but not now. She told me that you will remain on the Earth some more years; but they shall pass rapidly. Afterwards we will live in a place where the time does not exist, enjoying our love, together for the eternity. The angel also promise that, during your staying on Earth, I may see and talk to you in your dreams, whenever I want.
– You are burning from fever, a prey to delirium. Also all this seems real to you, you must fight it and hold on your life with force. You cannot die now. The Doctor will do the impossible to cure you. But he cannot make it without your help, without your willpower...
Sandra fells herself out of forces, she cannot speak anymore. She needs to rest, she needs it urgently.
Understanding that time was pressing, the guardian accelerates the lorry. When they arrived to the chimney, he helps Adam to place Sandra inside the verticopter and accompany them to the doctor’s refuge.
Prey of fever and delirium, Sandra is completely out of reality, recognizes nobody.
The doctor scrupulously auscultates her. Then looking sadly to Adam, he says:
– Too late !!! I am awfully sorry. She is infected with gangrene and it is too late to stop it. It is terrible, but the only thing I can do to save her life, is to amputate both legs.
The sentence fall like a storm in the ears of Adam. All seems to turn around him. He has to grip the wall not to fall. He wants to speak, he cannot. He needs to cry, he cannot. The sorrow involves his body, involves his soul. His mind seems to explode...
The doctor finds himself in an embarrassed state. Too much to think and to do at the same time. Sandra remains unconscious. Adam needs urgent attention because his soul is in a critical state of alarm. How can a doctor appease him? It is assumed that doctors may cure bodies, not souls. But Adam is in a such desperate state ! It is urgent to calm him down, otherwise the tension will impede his mind and body to function suitably. All what the doctor can do right now, is to give him a sedative. So the patient would sleep during some hours letting time for the doctor to think about how he must operate. The decision he has to take is crucial. Both Sandra and Adam are in a state of shock and unconscious. He cannot ask them what is their will : do they want Sandra to be amputated or do they prefer to stop her suffering, letting her die ?
In such predicaments, he hates having chosen medicine as a profession. Human suffering concerns him too much. A surgeon must have cold blood and he has not. To have cold blood is essential for his patients and for himself.
When I graduated with the title of Doctor in Medicine, I had to swear that I will choose life in all dilemmas, fighting for it using all possible means, also when confronted with all kind of difficulties.
So, despite I loathe doing it, I have to amputate. It is my duty.
But first he lays down a moment in his room, praying God to give him the force to accomplish accurately the difficult operation he feels obliged to accomplish.
Entrusting himself to God seems to give him the calm required. He gets up and actuates without trembling.
Will continue on next issue of air
Part of a photo
by my sister, Thérèse.